The Man I Should Have Married

I've just recently read this book called 'the man i should have married'. I borrowed a few books from my really good friend and I chose to read this one first. I dunno why, i thought it had a catchy title and i felt at that time that i only wanted to read something light (chick lit :p)

It turned out to be a very easy read and i finished the book in half a day! wow. and it has a nice story -- carries you to a shallow reflective mood, I'd say. I was satisfied with it although, to be honest, I'm not really a fan of happy endings.

The cynic in me just can't ignore these happy endings even if i am completely aware that what I'm reading is fiction. :P It hits my pessimism hard and right after reading how the story ends, my mind just goes, "pfff.. that's just pure fantasy" OK, OK, fine. i know you might say "Duh, Mel! that's why it's fiction!" But still.. I'm thinking that even if it's fiction, the author must have always been imagining happy endings. and when you imagine things like that i think you are actually considering the possibility that it can happen in real life. and that you also want your readers to feel that sense of hope and longing for that happy ending. (and note that i didn't say 'perfect' happy ending because the characters themselves claimed that it wasn't perfect -- but still uber happy)

Does that make you think that I'm such a bitter and cynical girl? well, i can't answer that question. but did it ever occur to you that maybe I've been there? At that moment in my life when I, too, hoped for a happy ending or a sweet beginning to another chapter in my life, romantically, but things never turn out right, not even remotely positive. I've changed over the years from being a hopeless romantic into what i am now. no, i wouldn't say that I'm a pessimist.. i just grew up. i don't want to expect anything good to happen to me or allow myself to feel that sense of hope for someone to come and actually love me for who i really am. I'm not sure anymore if I want to believe that there is someone out there for each of us with whom we can share memories for the rest of our lives. I don't think you can blame me or anyone like me for feeling this way.

I believe that there's this part of me that feels so fatal when it comes to love. When my friends ask me questions with forced choices, like: Would you rather marry someone you really love but doesn't love you, or marry someone you don't love but really loves you? In a heartbeat, I'd pick the first one. I never really gave them an answer to this question. I just don't say anything at all because i know that i will only get violent reactions when they actually hear my answer. i can't imagine how violent their reactions can get because even when i give them my-mouth-shut answer, they're already yakking all around me. hahaha! i love my friends, even if i get misunderstood sometimes.

So, anyway, going back to this book. It had a very cheesy but straight to the point, straight from the heart one-liner that goes, "I love you, you know. I loved you the first time I met you and I've loved you all along. And anything you do without me from now on is just a big f*cking waste of time." Wow. she got it. she knew how it feels like to be left behind by the one you love -- this is how i felt each time I get left behind by the people i loved, and still love to this day. but they just, sadly, didn't quite feel the same way. and because of this, i am confused. the story isn't completely fictional now, is it? The emotional basis of this line is so human and so real but the ending... it comes from pure imagination.

pain is real, pain is a very human sensation.. but bliss, happiness, joy and whatever else -- is it just all in the mind?