Self-preservation

The self-preservation of certain personalities is brought at the price of devaluating the whole objective world, a devaluation which in the end unavoidably drags one's own personality down into a feeling of the same worthlessness. - answers.com

Self preservation is part of an animal's instinct that demands that the organism survives. Pain and fear are parts of this mechanism. Pain causes discomfort so that the organism is inclined to stop the pain. Fear causes the organism to seek safety and may cause a release of adrenaline which has the affect of increased strength and heightened senses such as hearing, smell, and sight. - wikipedia

A lot of things happen beyond our control. Some things happen because we've made wrong decisions. It just takes us some time before we realize that what's happening to us right now is simply a consequence of our actions. We brought this upon ourselves. It's our fault. This is happening because of the things we've done and the things that we didn't do. There are times when we get burned. Burned but still alive. Makes you feel alive but you know that you're just surviving... barely surviving. Sometimes you just want it all to end. Sometimes you just want to die. (Don't worry friends, I've no thoughts on literally killing myself and ending my life. To all those who hate me, YOU WISH! haha)

What's all this self-preservation stuff about? Well, I've realized that I want to live. But for me to go on living, I need to do something to help myself get through all those things that have been trying to pull me down. I'm starting to pull my defenses up. I'm building a wall around me so that no one could easily play me for a fool. I want to stop being neurotic and paranoid coz it just takes up so much time for me to recover!

What the heck am I talking about anyway? What's bothering me? All this mumbo jumbo's about social issues haha! I've decided to take care of myself and to always remember that my happiness should never depend on anybody else but me. It's the most important advice that one of my best friends told me. (Blind item: sinong best friend to? :p)

There are some things that you want to change. Things that you REALLY want to change and some things that you HAVE to change but have absolutely no idea how. there are some situations that you know you cannot change but cannot accept that fact. then you feel inadequate. you feel that if you had been a bit different in the past, maybe things would have turned out differently too. But how different could things have been? you cannot even imagine.

see how neurotic i'm turning into?? now you understand my problem and why I have to stop! haha! Okay, I have to put an end to my muni-muni phase now. Happy new year everyone! take care of yourselves!